Bone Cancer Awareness Week
21st-28th June 2008
Click on the below links to view articles that have been in the news this week!!
Joe and Dan
http://www.bromsgrovestandard.co.uk/news48682.html
Sally
http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/family/story/0,,2287167,00.html
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2110938/Mother-loses-leg-after-doctors-'miss-cancer'.html
Katie
http://www.halifaxcourier.co.uk/news/Bone-cancer-victim-backs-campaign.4217929.jp
Emily and Kath
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2105003/Identical-twins-to-be-separated-by-cancer.html
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/real_life/article1274672.ece
Marnie
http://www.pressandjournal.co.uk/Article.aspx/702352?UserKey=0
The Hounslow Chronicle
Callum
http://news.scotsman.com/health/Brave-bone-cancer-tot-Callum.4206549.jp
Wexford People
http://www.wexfordpeople.ie/news/nicola-dad-in-challenge-in-aid-of-cancer-1417449.html
Bray People
http://www.braypeople.ie/news/bone-cancer-awareness-week-1416741.html
Yorkshire Evening Post
http://www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk/health/Down-to-the-bone.4222375.jp?articlepage=1
It has been a long, long time since I updated this blog but I will be writing one final update shortly....
Please, please show your support for Bone Cancer Awareness Week and help to provide vital funds for research into primary bone cancer by visiting www.justgiving.com/bikingforbonecancer
and sponsoring Joe and Dan. So far the boys have pedalled over 1800 miles across the USA, you can read about their adventures here www.bikingforbonecancer.blogspot.com
Thank you to everyone who has already donated so generously.
The gallery has been updated..........
GOOD LUCK BOYS!!
Today, Tuesday 27th May 2008, my brother Joe and his friend Dan have set off for the USA!! They will spend a couple of days in New York before heading down to Washington where they will then begin their challenge to cycle across the continent of North America. Hopefully in about 10 weeks time they will arrive safely on the west coast in San Francisco.
It goes without saying that I am immensely proud of both boys for attempting this mission and am honoured that they are doing it in aid of Bone Cancer Research Trust. If you would like to follow their journey across the States then please follow their blog....
www.bikingforbonecancer.blogspot.com
If you would like to donate and help them raise money for Bone Cancer Research Trust, please visit their Just Giving Page..
www.justgiving.com/bikingforbonecancer
So far Joe and Dan have raised just over £5000, thank you to everyone who has donated so generously, however, they have only reached a quarter of their target £20,000 so to anyone who hasn't already sponsored the boys please, please, please donate! Whilst they are doing the hard work in America I will keep fundraising and raising awareness about this cause.
Thank you for your support
Please remember that primary bone cancers including osteosarcoma and ewings sarcoma DO NOT receive any funding for research into their causes or treatment from the NHS, the government or larger, established cancer charities. That is why the work of Bone Cancer Research Trust is crucial and why I choose to support them.
Your support is truly appreciated.
***Birmingham Mail***
Raising awareness about osteosarcoma and Joe and Dan's cycle challenge.
View our article in the Birmingham Mail here...
If you would like to donate and help them raise money for Bone Cancer Research Trust, please visit their Just Giving Page..
www.justgiving.com/bikingforbonecancer
Please remember that primary bone cancers including osteosarcoma and ewings sarcoma DO NOT receive any funding for research into their causes or treatment from the NHS, the government or larger, established cancer charities. That is why the work of Bone Cancer Research Trust is crucial and why I choose to support them.
Your support is truly appreciated.
****Hot off the press****
View my article in the latest edition of the Halesowen News here...
http://www.halesowennews.co.uk/display.var.2197332.0.plucky_diarist_beats_cancer.php
Huge thanks to my fellow internet bloggers Sally, Katie and The Hausouls for adding links to the Biking for Bone Cancer blog! Please view their blogs in the links section of this site...
View Joe and Dan's 'Biking for Bone Cancer' blog here....
Biking for bone cancer blogspot
Please support Joe and Dan
www.justgiving.com/bikingforbonecancer
Please, please support my brother Joe and his friend Dan and help them to raise money for a charity very close to my heart, Bone Cancer Research Trust. In May 2008 they will set off for the east coast of America where they will cycle over three and a half thousand miles until they reach the west coast! It is one almighty mission that they have set themselves and any donations-no matter how small, will be greatly appreciated. Please visit their Just Giving page (link above) and read about their challenge.
As a survivor of primary bone cancer I am aware that research into the causes and treatment of this disease is vital. Whilst many people now survive, many do not. The work of Bone Cancer Research Trust is crucial. Primary Bone Cancers do not attract extensive research funding from the NHS or larger cancer charities. Bone Cancer Research Trust is a new charity, it was formed in 2005 by a group of bereaved parents who wanted to 'do something about bone cancer'. Eighteen months later the charity was born, baring the motto "out of bereavement can spring positive action". I am determined and eager to support this charity for the rest of my life.
5th April 2008
On Monday 7th April, after nearly sixteen months, I am finally returning to work. To say that I am petrified is an understatement; thinking about driving up to the building, walking in and seeing faces that I haven’t seen for so long, makes my stomach churn. I am looking forward to starting my new role in a different department; it’ll be nice to have something else to think about other than physiotherapy and hospital appointments and it’ll be good to catch up with those that have supported me over the past year but other than that, I can’t say that I’m relishing the idea. I am nervous….scared….worried…..and anxious.
I know that I’m returning to work a different person to the one that left on 2nd January 2007 and I’m not sure how I’m going to adapt or fit into my old work environment. Am I going to be accepted or welcomed back? Only time will tell. I’m definitely a stronger and probably more outspoken person than I was; I used to be guilty of being a ‘people pleaser’ and now I’m more inclined to be brutally honest. Well-why beat around the bush? After all, life’s too short. If this sounds harsh, then I don’t mean it to, it’s just that having survived cancer, I feel extremely loyal to the people that supported me during my journey; on the other hand, I have no time for the people who didn’t. The texts, guestbook messages, emails, phone calls and letters that I received, meant the world to me and I’ll be eternally grateful to the people who made the effort to contact me.
Work used to be a huge part of my life, the shifts sometimes seemed never ending and like all the other response officers, I only had one weekend off a month. Having realised over the past sixteen months, what’s important to me and what isn’t; work is no longer the be all and end all. In fact, it is a very small part of the person that I am. My closest friends, bar a handful, aren’t police officers and I’m determined not to let work take over my life again. I want to carry on enjoying life and making the most of every opportunity that comes along. Having survived this disease, I sometimes feel indestructible and capable of conquering the world; if I can get through cancer, I can achieve anything I tell myself. I have to say that it’s an empowering feeling and a great confidence booster. Other times I feel the complete opposite; weak and vulnerable. At the moment, I’m feeling pleasantly optimistic about the future. I even pranced around the house singing Dolly Parton’s ‘Working 9 till 5’ last night, much to Gaz’s amusement!
“Workin’ 9 till 5,
What a way to make a livin’
Barely getting’ by, it’s all takin’ and no givin’”
So, there’s no more daytime television for me, good bye ‘Loose Women’, ‘Homes under the hammer’ and ‘Good Morning’: I’ll miss you Fern and Phil. Long gone are the days of lie-ins, lazy lunches and leisurely baths; it’s back to the grindstone for me! I have no doubt that I am going to be absolutely shattered, physically and mentally exhausted. It’s certainly going to be a shock to my system! I’m going back part time to begin with, four hours, three days a week. But hey, it’s a challenge, another milestone, another step forward. And as much as I’m dreading and fearing 10 o’clock Monday morning, I only have to remind myself that I’m so, so, so lucky to have the opportunity to return to work and re-build my life and then I’m raring to go! On that note, I’d better go and plough my way through the humungous pile of ironing ready and waiting for me. Back to reality-eh?!
Thank you Willow!
I would like to say a HUGE thank you to Willow Foundation and in particular Kate who arranged a fantastic weekend in London for Gareth and I. We had the best weekend that we have had in a very long time and enjoyed every minute of it. We felt incredibly spoilt to say the least! We stayed in a gorgeous hotel that over looked the Thames, dined at The Ivy, watched the West End Show Dirty Dancing, boarded the London Eye and a river cruise, shopped in Harrods and drank cocktails and champagne all weekend....it was FAB!
There are more photographs in the gallery.....
***Hot off the press!!***
I was recently interviewed by The Daily Mail and today (Tuesday18th March) the article has appeared in The Good Health section of the newspaper!! You can also view it online....
Biking For Bone Cancer
In only a few weeks time my brother Joe and his friend Daniel Poole will embark upon a fundraising mission for Bone Cancer Research Trust. They plan to cycle….YES CYCLE….across the continent of North America, starting from the east coast and hopefully ending up on the west!
I am honoured and ecstatic that they have chosen to raise funds for BCRT, a charity very close to my heart and I am hoping that they will reach their high target of £20,000! As my brother says, the target reflects not only the huge challenge ahead of them but also the great importance of the cause for which they are raising money.
Primary Bone Cancers do not attract extensive research funding from the NHS or national cancer charities and there is little research into the causes of Primary Bone Cancer or into developing new treatments. Therefore the work of Bone Cancer Research Trust is CRUCIAL.
Please, please support Joe and Daniel and help them to raise as much money as possible for BCRT.
Please visit their Just Giving page:
www.justgiving.com/bikingforbonecancer
Thank you, Hannah
My brother Joe
5th March 2008
A lot seems to have happened since I last updated my diary but all I can think about at the moment is my amazing friend Nicole. I met Nicole in the Young Persons Unit last August and from the first day that I met her, we instantly hit it off! Nicole made spending time in hospital fun and most of my memories of our days together are of us laughing, chatting and winding people up! We would nag the nurses to put us in beds next to one another and whenever I knew we would be having chemo together, the prospect of spending a week in hospital was no longer something I would dread; Nicole just seemed to brighten everything up. On one occasion when I asked a nurse if Nicole would be in the following week with me for treatment, she smiled and said jokingly “Would you like me to arrange your chemo around your social life?” “Yes please” I replied.
Last week my beautiful friend Nicole lost her courageous fight against the evil disease that is cancer. The bravery, determination, courage and zest for life that she demonstrated during the past year should be an inspiration to everyone. Always smiling, always positive and always, always full of hope. I’ll never forget Nicole; she was a truly special person. She taught me many things about life, but the one thing that I’ll carry with me into every new day is Nicole’s own personal motto ‘One life, live it’.
Please visit the memorial website that has been created by Nicole’s mum and sister and read about my remarkable friend.
http://nicole-morgan.gonetoosoon.co.uk
A year ago today…
6th February 2008
Exactly one year ago today, my life as I knew it came to a grinding halt and although I didn’t know it at the time, changed forever; on 6th February 2007 at about 11am, I was home alone when I received a telephone call from the surgeon who ten days earlier had performed a biopsy on my right leg. Up until then I had never heard the word osteosarcoma before and had no idea what it was. My initial thought upon being told that I had osteosarcoma was ‘What the hell’s that?’ my first words to the surgeon at the other end of the phone were “Does that mean it’s malignant?” It was only then that I realised I had primary bone cancer. CANCER. I don’t recall the rest of that conversation, apart from being told that osteosarcoma is extremely rare and affects only one in a million-just my luck eh! During the phone call I wrote down the word osteosarcoma on a scrap of paper and spelt it incorrectly, an indication of just how little I knew about the disease. I also heard another word during that conversation that I wasn’t familiar with but would very quickly become a huge part of my life; oncology. I can’t have been on the phone with the surgeon for more than a couple of minutes and it was a fairly abrupt conversation. I was told the facts, the basic facts and that was all. Once the call was over, I remember sitting on the sofa wondering what on earth to do next. I immediately rang Gaz, Mum, Joe, Dad, Gran and my cousin Lucy and broke the news to them. Every time I said the words “I’ve got cancer” I burst into tears and couldn’t finish the end of the sentence. It took at least a week before I could manage to say those three words without crying. The day felt surreal and looking back twelve months later it is one big blur. The mind has a clever knack of erasing dark, painful times although I will never forget the sense of fear and complete terror of the unknown that crept into my life that day.
Gaz, Mum, Joe and Dad all left work and rushed around to be with me on D-Day (diagnosis day) and I vividly remember trying to stay strong for all of them. I firmly believed that everything would be okay and that I would beat the disease, I wasn’t going anywhere, I kept telling people. I have never considered myself to be brave, special or courageous, I’ve just always tried to look on the bright side of life even when its seemed pretty crap; there is no wrong or right way to deal with a cancer diagnosis, but for me trying to focus on staying positive and looking to the future certainly helped. I clung onto all of my dreams, hopes and plans and not for a second did I allow myself to even consider the possibility that I might not achieve them. It was probably for the best that for a long time I had no idea how aggressive a cancer osteosarcoma is. I knew nothing about primary bone cancer but I did know that I wasn’t going to let it take my life. From day one I kept telling myself that although I had cancer, it was something that I would deal with and then move on from, I never allowed myself to think that I might not make it. I’m a happy, positive person who loves life and I strongly believe that my decision not to feel sorry for myself and wonder ‘why me?’ has helped me through the dark times over the past year. For me having cancer was not a case of ‘why me?’ instead I have always thought ‘why anyone?’ I was just bloody unlucky along with all the other thousands of people diagnosed each year. Although it’s important to add that I no longer consider myself to be unlucky; far from it. I am one of the very lucky ones to have survived this hideous disease and that is all it is, just luck.
My initial reaction after receiving my diagnosis was ‘the sooner chemo starts the better’ I was desperate to get things moving and into motion, the sooner it started, the quicker it would all be over with, was what I kept telling myself. My family and close friends became my rocks; it’s definitely true that you learn who your real friends are in times of trouble and the people you expect to be there for you aren’t necessarily always the ones that are. I’ve felt let down and hurt by a few people, but I also understand that people react differently to situations and some people don’t know what to say, so say nothing at all. I often didn’t even know what I wanted my friends or family to say, words weren’t particularly important, just knowing that people were there for me was what counted. The people who stayed away because they didn’t know what to say or because they didn’t want to say the wrong thing ended up hurting me more. It’s amazing that when you’re diagnosed with a life threatening illness the world and his wife wants to text and call in the early days, but it is the people who keep in touch throughout the year and are still calling and visiting months and months later when you’re still going through the tedious chemo regime and further rehabilitation who prove themselves to be true gems. If I have any advice at all to anyone reading this who has had a friend or relative diagnosed with cancer it is this; being in hospital week after week for treatment is a lonely and isolating experience, at times I personally felt detached from the rest of the world; the things that kept me going were the texts, emails, cards, visits and phone calls from family and friends just letting me know that they hadn’t forgotten me and that I was in their thoughts. Even if you don’t know what to say, it’s almost impossible to offend anyone with the words ‘I’m thinking of you’…..
Apart from feeling shocked, devastated and scared to my core, I also felt relieved that at last I knew what was wrong with my knee. Deep down even before I was diagnosed I just knew within myself that the constant pain I was living with was the result of something serious. I think that everyone knows their own body better than anyone else and one of the reasons that I persevered so much at A & E and with my then GP was because I knew that the pain in my right knee wasn’t normal. The fact that my knee was bent, swollen, deformed, bloody painful added to the fact that I was limping, sounded alarm bells in my mind. I never seriously associated all the symptoms with cancer but I knew that whatever it was, at the very least an operation would be required.
One of my most poignant memories from twelve months ago is of my Gran and I hugging on the sofa in my lounge the day after I’d been diagnosed. Suddenly I broke down and said “I’m so scared Gran”. I remember Gran comforting me in her arms, rocking me like a baby. Every time the image comes into my mind it still brings tears to my eyes now. I was petrified of the unknown; I was terrified of how ill the chemotherapy would make me feel, I was scared of losing my hair and seeing myself bald for the first time, I hated saying the words “I’ve got cancer” and I feared my life would never be the same again. A year down the line I can honestly say that I have no regrets, obviously if it had been my choice then I would have chosen not to have cancer, but its happened, I’ve met some incredible people that I otherwise wouldn’t have had the opportunity to meet and my life has taken a new direction. Life will never be the same again and although lately I’ve been upset because I’ve realised that I really miss my old life, I just have to keep reminding myself that I am one of the lucky ones because I’m still here. I try not to get stressed anymore, I appreciate everything so much more than I ever did before and I take each day at a time. I’d like to think that the journey I’ve been on during the past year has in some ways made me a better person; I am stronger, more understanding, less selfish and more aware of those around me. I think that most people are guilty of living in a bubble until something awful happens to burst that bubble and life comes crashing down. I used to drive past the Q.E. hospital every day on my way to work, without a care in the world, apart from worrying that I was going to be late! And then all of a sudden, I became a patient in the same hospital that I used to drive past every day and I was the one now looking out of the hospital window, watching people drive past, living in their bubbles. I’m ashamed to admit that as I drove past during my daily routine, I never thought or wondered about the people inside the hospital or what they were going through. A year later, other people are the only thing on my mind each time I travel past a hospital, I now know what it’s like to be a patient on the other side of the hospital walls. Never again will I get so caught up in my own life, having cancer has been a humbling experience and I’m determined never to live in a bubble again.
CLIC SARGENT film!!
Below is the film that I took part in on the YPU during the summer, it was organised by the cancer charity Clic Sargent to raise awareness about the importance of Teenage Cancer Units/Young Persons Units.
I'm the one in the yellow tracksuit! I can't believe that I made my screen debut without make-up and wearing velour!!!
Phew....
1st February 2008
I had my first follow up meeting with my Oncologist today, I had a blood test and chest x-ray and thankfully my lungs are clear and I am still cancer free. It was a huge relief to say the least; sitting in the waiting room beforehand I could feel my heart pounding, my chest tighten and I was so anxious that I could hardly breathe. Once I had been given the good news, the registrar examined my leg and then gave me some advice...."Once your strength has improved and you are walking better, you must be very careful about which sports you play. The prosthesis isn't made for resistance, so steer clear of racquet sports"........He lost me at "Sports"!!! SPORT????? I was never sporty to begin with, let alone with a metal prosthesis in my leg. So there is definitely no danger of me ever going near a tennis racquet, badminton racquet or any other racquet ever again. I used to enjoy the occasional jog, 'occasional' being the operative word. I had a gym membership before I got diagnosed and went on an annual basis, so it is fair to say that my prosthesis is in no danger of enduring any resistance from sports! I am still using one crutch when I'm out and about, but am looking forward to the day when I am crutch free as well as being cancer free.
New Year:New Start...
I haven't forgotten about this website-honest! We haven't got the internet at home at the moment due to a technical hitch but hopefully will be online again soon and I will then be updating the site. In brief.....I still have two sessions of physiotherapy a week (hydro and gym) and slowly but surely I am getting stronger. We have just moved house, so it really has been a new year, new start for us! After a period of post-treatment blues where I felt pretty lost, frustrated, angry and generally down I am now feeling much brighter and enjoying leading a relatively normal life. (I even spent four hours ironing the other day!) My hair is still growing, I have now had three periods, I've bought an exercise bike and exercise ball (both of which I need to use more!), I am enjoying putting lashings of mascara on my new eyelashes and I no longer take any painkillers (I still have constant nerve pain in my right foot but haven't found any pills that work-nerve pain is bitch to cure); my days in the YPU feel like a long time ago. I am seeing my Oncologist for the first time since I finished treatment on 1st February and am due back at The Royal Orthopaedic Hospital for a check-up at the beginning of March.
As for the rest of the family Ella the dog is one year old on Thursday, Joe is working full time and says that it is a lot less demanding than looking after me! Gaz has recently bought himself a tool kit and says he now feels like a "real man" (how sad!!) and Mum is pleased to say that she has kept to her New Years resolution to buy only organic and free range meat....2008 has certainly started more promising for us than 2007, let's just hope it stays that way!
Carol's Story
Please read my friend and fellow ex-patient Carol Starkey's story about her battle with Osteosarcoma on The Bone Cancer Research Trust website. www.bonecancerresearch.org.uk
Once on the site click on 'Stories' and then 'Patients'
Happy New Year!
I will be updating this site shortly, but in the mean time just wanted to wish everyone a very happy and healthy new year! Thank you to everyone who has visited this site (especially those that keep coming back!), left messages in the guestbook and sent me emails, your support has meant and continues to mean the world.
The gallery has now been updated.....
Let's Get Physical!
3rd-7th December 2007
Despite having a sore and bruised leg I managed to make it through my week of intensive physiotherapy and enjoy every minute of it.....well almost! The week consisted of three sessions a day; hydrotherapy in the morning, gym after lunch and hydrotherapy again in the afternoon. There were three other people on the course and the sense of comradeship amongst the group was a huge bonus; everyone was so supportive of one another that by the time Friday came I was sad to say goodbye. I loved the hydrotherapy sessions; I hadn't been in a swimming pool for over a year, so to be in the lovely warm water was heaven! One of the best things about exercising in water is that you don't have to worry about falling over, hurting yourself and looking like a prat, something which I am a master at. The sessions in the pool seemed to fly by, unlike the hour in the gym that tended to drag. It actually felt great to be doing something active and I walked more in one week that I have all year. I've also swapped bacon butties, pancakes and hot chocolate for raw carrots and mineral water! Mmmmmm.
I had an unexpected visit from an old friend on Monday.......after nine months of absence, my period returned! I've never been so pleased to see something so horrid, to say that I was surprised that it had returned so quickly is an understatement, although it would explain why I'd been in such a vile mood. I had even cried for the first time in weeks and confessed to Mum that I felt angry and bitter because I missed my old life.....but now it all makes sense: I had PMT! It just goes to show that despite having had 30 weeks of intensive chemotherapy the human body is a resilient thing. I'd been told that if my periods returned then I would more than likely be fertile and able to have children naturally, so the fact that its happened five weeks after I finished chemo is fantastic news! Not that I'll be trying to conceive just yet I hasten to add. Some things really do seem to be returning to normal; in one week I've had to shave my legs (twice!), deal with my period and exercise to the point of being out of breath. I think I need a holiday to recover, being healthy is hard work.
Saturday 1st December 2007
Just as things were looking up, yesterday morning I managed to fall over and land on my operated leg…..ouch! Moments before I had purchased a swimming costume in preparation for my week of intensive physiotherapy due to start on Monday; I had just left the shop when I slipped on the wet pavement and ended up on the car park floor. I’m not entirely sure what happened, I was too busy talking and not paying enough attention to my crutch and feet. Luckily my friend Helen is strong and managed to lift me up help me into the car. A short time later I was back home, lying on the sofa, necking pain killers and feeling a tad sorry for myself! Both my foot and knee were swollen and the pain just seemed to get worse as the hours went by. Life is certainly never boring in my household. After a hot bath, a hot water bottle, paracetamol, a good cry and phone calls to the YPU and Royal Orthopaedic Hospital for advice; Gaz and I headed off to spend Friday night in our local A & E!!
The hospital holds a lot of bad memories for me, as it was the place I visited numerous times back in January of this year looking for answers to my sore and swollen knee, before I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. If I could have chosen a different hospital to visit, I would have. As I gave my details to the receptionist and explained my medical history, it felt like only yesterday I had visited the hospital desperate, sleep deprived and bloody miserable, when actually it's ten months ago. I’ll never forget or forgive the way that those first doctors I saw made me feel. Being told that my knee pain was a “mystery” will stay with me forever. I actually hoped that the doctor who had said those words to me was on duty, so that I could tell him to his face that the “mystery” had turned out to be CANCER. It is unforgivable in my opinion for doctors to make their patients feel as though they are wasting their time. I certainly didn’t wait hours on end in Accident and Emergency during the several trips I made to the hospital back in January for the fun of it! I appreciate that the type of cancer I had is so rare that some doctors may never deal with it during their career, but I strongly believe that further investigations should have been carried out at the time. Almost all patients diagnosed with osteosarcoma have an equally grim tale of late diagnosis and that is why something needs to be done and awareness of the disease raised. It is a cause that I am now passionate about; the months I spent worrying and wondering why I was in constant pain were just as soul destroying as the cancer diagnosis itself. Unfortunately I didn’t see that doctor, although as it turned out someone just as incompetent was there to fill his place.
It’s certainly not a good sign when as the patient I had to explain to a doctor what osteosarcoma actually is. I obviously didn’t do a very good job as he went away and re-appeared with a text book, I kid you not. After a long and confusing conversation I was told that I would have my foot, ankle and knee x-rayed. The grumpiest nurse I’ve ever met then thrust a pot containing three tablets into my hand and said “swallow them”. I wasn’t even told what they were or what they were for. Having been looked after brilliantly by the nicest nurses for the past eight months, this nurse’s attitude towards me was a shock to the system. I understand that on Friday nights in A & E they must deal with their fair share of drunken idiots but I wasn’t one of them. I almost broke down crying whilst lying on the hospital bed with Gareth sat next to me. I felt wretched, helpless and hospital was the last place I wanted to be. Apart from being in horrible pain, I was worried sick that I had fractured a bone or that my prosthesis had been affected. Here I was stuck in A & E, back in a velour trackie when I should have been enjoying my Gran’s birthday party; isn’t life just marvellous I kept thinking to myself! Gaz lightened the mood and even made me laugh when he said “You know what Han-it wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t spend a few hours in hospital every few weeks, I’ve been getting withdrawal symptoms from the place!” Such a comedian at times!
After several x-rays had been taken I was told that there was no sign of any fractures, phew! The doctor dealing with me consulted a few of his colleagues (he clearly had no idea what to do with me and his text book didn’t seem to provide him with any answers!!) and made a phone call to the R.O.H. before telling me to take ibuprofen, rest my leg and not to worry as the physio would sort me out next week! To most of my questions he answered “if you like”, he took a personal call on his mobile that caused him a lot of amusement in the middle of our conversation and best of all he had to go back to his beloved text book when I asked him if I could take ibuprofen along with the painkillers that I already take for the nerve pain in my right foot. After scanning a few pages he said “I can’t find anything about it, so you should be okay”……just great! Gaz and I looked at one another with raised eyebrows and a mutual look that said ‘let’s get the hell out of here!’ Put it like this, I wouldn’t have trusted this man to look after a flea let alone a human being.
Anyway, the main thing is that I haven’t broken anything and my prosthesis hasn’t moved. It’s just a real nuisance and pain in the arse that it happened days before I was due back at the R.O.H. for physio; the fact that it caused me to miss the final of ‘I’m a Celebrity’ is also a bummer, but that’s life.
Thank You
A huge thank you to the Management Team at Rose Road Police Station who completed a 20 mile sponsored walk this week and raised over £2000 for The Bone Cancer Research Trust. For more information about the charity please visit www.bonecancerresearch.org.uk
So far, so good!
14th November 2007
Yesterday I had a CT scan in the morning and then a meeting with my surgeon in the afternoon. I felt sick with worry and anxiety sat in The Royal Orthopaedic Hospital waiting for my name to be called. The last time I saw my surgeon was when I was at my lowest back in July; I hadn’t slept for seven nights, was in constant agony and mentally and emotionally had hit rock bottom. In someway it seems like years ago, but I can remember how unhappy and upset I was, as though it were yesterday. So much seems to have happened since then and thankfully I haven’t felt as miserable again as I did that day. I wanted my surgeon to see for himself that I was a lot better than I had been the last time he saw me, so I purposely made an effort and wore my wig, some make up and relatively smart-ish clothes (still haven’t managed to prise myself away from my Ugg boots yet!) I needn’t have bothered…..his first words to me were “You’ve put on weight!” to which I replied “I know! Too much weight!” My surgeon then went on to say that I looked very well and healthy, so it wasn’t all bad!
As far as my scan results go; so far, so good, my CT scan was clear and as far as they can tell the MRI scan also looks fine. I’ve got to have an x-ray in a few weeks and then check ups every three months from then on. It was a huge relief to say the least. My surgeon did say that I need to have the week of intensive physiotherapy ASAP as I could be walking a lot better than I am at the moment. I really need to crack on with my exercises, the muscles in my right leg are so weak, I'm actually looking forward to the physiotherapists putting me through my paces. No doubt I'll be eating my own words in a few weeks time.
I had my first session of hypnotherapy today and it was extremely relaxing, I’m pleased to say that I wasn’t told to bark like a dog or anything like that and my preconceptions of what it would be like were completely wrong. I’m already looking forward to my next session!
I've had the stitches taken out of my chest and although there's still a lot of bruising, the site has healed well. I can't wait to have a bath and not have to worry about keeping my groshung line dry, I'll be able to completely submerge myself under the water! Ooh it'll be bliss!
X-ray of my new leg!
Please support The Bone Cancer Research Trust and purchase your Christmas cards on line! www.bonecancerresearch.org.uk
10th November 2007
It’s now two weeks since I finished having chemotherapy and a lot seems to have happened. I’ve had an MRI scan, visited Freshwinds for another session of reiki, eaten my first lobster, had a nasty cold, been to a party, seen a physiotherapist, cooked my first meal of the year and had my groshung line taken out! Its been a busy two weeks. I’m still feeling thoroughly exhausted and suffering quite a lot of nerve pain in my foot, but it’s finally starting to sink in that I don’t have to have anymore chemotherapy. Having my line removed wasn’t the nicest of experiences, but luckily I had Joe there to hold my hand. The whole procedure made me feel very queasy, so I turned my head away and shut my eyes. It was done under a local anaesthetic and would have taken a few minutes but the surgeon had trouble finding and then releasing the button that holds the line in place and is hidden underneath my skin. Finally twenty minutes later I felt a popping sensation in my chest and the line then came out. I didn’t feel the line being pulled out and it was a painless procedure, just a very messy one. I wondered why the surgeon kept saying that I was “juicy”, but when I opened my eyes I realised why, there was blood everywhere. I made the mistake of looking at my chest just as the line had been removed and saw an open hole filled with blood, there was even a red river running down between my breasts. I quickly shut my eyes and turned my head away again. I'm such a baby when it comes to blood.
Now you see it! Now you don't!
Here it is!
Next week I've got to have a CT scan and a meeting with my surgeon, both at The Royal Orthopaedic Hospital, I've also got physiotherapy and my first ever session of hypnotherapy to look forward to! I'm still feeling positive and upbeat within myself, ever so slowly I'm starting to enjoy a slice of normality. I couldn't even remember my hospital number when I was asked for it this week, whether or not my mind has purposely blocked it out I don't know, but the fact that I've forgotten it has to be a good thing. I've still got a long way to go and a lot of hard work to do but I finally feel that mentally, emotionally and physically I'm on the road to recovery, now that my chemo's behind me. Just having finished my chemotherapy alone makes me feel that I've taken one massive step forward.
28th October 2007
Another day of celebrations! We had more champagne with Gran and Dad and the fact that I no longer need to have chemotherapy is slowly starting to sink in. It's finally dawning on me that I'm going to get my life back and at last some sort of normality will resume. There are a lot of different emotions running around my head, although I'm happy I'm also feeling anxious, it's almost as if I don't want to tempt fate. I'm worried that if I'm too happy my world will come crashing down again. I think I've just got to learn to take one day at a time and try to stop worrying about everything, which is going to be easier said than done. Having had cancer, I know that my life will never be the same again, the events of the past year have changed me forever. It's going to take time to readjust and come to terms with everything that has happened.
Thank you to everyone who has visited this website and followed my story. I am overwhelmed by the support that I have received and never dreamt in a million years the response this site would have. I am due to have a week of intensive physiotherapy in December and MRI and CT scans before then. I will continue to update this site and hopefully generate more awareness about primary bone cancer, particularly Osteosarcoma.
Thank you to Ange for making me this gorgeous cake!
27th October 2007
Today was a day to party and there was only one place to do it.....The Barnt Green Inn. Upon our arrival we were given a complimentary bottle of champagne which kicked off the celebrations nicely! I didn't get to bed until 3am and am probably going to feel a little rough tomorrow but it was definitely worth it!
My hair is definitely on its way back!
There are more photographs from tonight in the gallery.....
26th October 2007
Today was my last day in hospital……I can’t quite believe it. I was amazed when I was told that I could go home this afternoon as I hadn’t been expecting it at all, to say that I was gob smacked is an understatement. I had been preparing myself to go home on either Saturday or Sunday, I certainly hadn’t envisioned that my methotrexate levels would be down today!
Although I didn’t cry when I was saying goodbye to the nurses and my friends Natalie and Nicole, I was pretty damn close. I welled up a couple of times but managed to stay strong and hold back my tears. Obviously I am thrilled to have finished my chemotherapy but sad that I’m not going to be seeing on such a regular basis all the nurses and friends I’ve made over the past year. Even Gaz said that he felt emotional when we were driving home; we’ve both spent most of the last eight months in the YPU and its been a huge part of both of our lives, so it’s hard to believe and comprehend that we’re no longer going to have to go there.
I had just put on my headscarf and was about to walk out of the ward when a lady in a bed at the far end of my bay said to me “Excuse me do you live in Birmingham?” “Yes” I replied not sure where the conversation was going as I hadn’t spoken to her before. “I’m sure that I saw you in The Barnt Green Inn some time in August. As soon as you put on your headscarf I knew that I recognised your face.” …….what a small world.
I’ve had a fantastic evening. Gaz and I enjoyed a bottle of champagne at home and Gaz gave me a digital camera as an end of chemo present! We then headed over to Mum’s where my three rocks (Mum, Joe and Gaz) and I cracked open another bottle of bubbly and we had champagne and curry! I spent most of the night in a complete daze, amazed that I was home and my treatment all over. I’ve been waiting for this day to arrive for a very long time and now it’s here it’s all very surreal. Here’s to a happy and hopefully healthy future!
Thank you to everyone who has sent texts to me today and to the people who have sent celebratory cards.
25th October 2007
Between 6.30am and 10.00am this morning I was woken up a total of eight times. I am not a morning person, in fact I hate mornings and since I have been ill tend to sleep right through them. So the fact that I was woken up EIGHT times before ten o’clock did not impress me.
Sleeping 'Not So' Beauty
Joe has brought me in a panini and hot chocolate from Cafe Nero every day for the past few weeks. The staff in there now know him so well that they don't even have to ask for his order. Poor Joe no wonder he's counting down the minutes until I finish chemo, he's going to save a fortune.
24th October 2007
I’m starting to feel emotional about finishing my treatment and saying goodbye to the nurses I’ve grown close to and the patients who have become friends. Although it may sound strange I’ve got a lot of happy memories from my time spent in hospital and that is down to the fantastic people I’ve met along the way.
The scab from my pressure sore fell off today and thankfully after five long months it looks as though it has finally healed. Can’t say that I’m going to miss it. I had a good session in the gym this afternoon and cycled for eight minutes. The physio made me try to lift my right leg up which was one big mission. At the moment I can’t lift my leg up without bending it and I’m finding the exercises very frustrating. Mentally it’s tough when you really want your body to do something, but it just can’t and won’t let you do it. The fact that I am so impatient doesn’t help!
I saw my oncologist today and found out that I will have an MRI and CT scan in about six weeks time, I will then have an appointment every three months. Just before he left my oncologist asked if I had any questions. I had one. “When will I be able to drink alcohol?”
23rd October 2007
One thing I am certainly not going to miss is being woken up each morning at the crack of dawn. Today I was awoken just after 6.30am and asked how much I had had to drink during the night. Drink? I’ve been sleeping not drinking! When I finally managed to open my eyes I noticed that all of the curtains had been opened up around our beds, even though everyone was still fast asleep. This riled me as I knew that once the curtains were open, I would be woken up time and time again and asked if I wanted tea/breakfast/anti sickness pills and more tea! So I got up and drew all the curtains back around my bed. At 7.00am the bright lights went on and I was awoken again, this time by the sound of the tea trolley and a voice shouting “Morning ladies! Would anyone like a cup of tea?” Aaaaaaaaarrghhh! I reached for my eye mask, rolled over and somehow went back to sleep. As Natalie rightly put it, sometimes hospital seems like boot camp!
I had a tough decision to make this afternoon. I couldn't decide which cream cake to eat?
So after a lot of deliberation I decided to eat two....
After all it's my last week of chemo and I need to keep my energy up!
22nd October 2007
The final week of Cycle 6 is now here. Before I got on with the last dose of chemo I managed to find time to pop into a town for a quick shopping trip this morning. For the first time since my operation I was able to try on a proper pair of shoes, they may be flat, rubber soled and what my Mum calls “sensible” but hey they’re shoes and they fit!
I’m back on the Harborne Ward and in the same bed that I left on Saturday. My friend Natalie from the YPU is in the bed next to me and a couple of the women from last week are still here too. I’ve actually grown rather fond of the Harborne Ward and the bay that I’m in is starting to feel like a second home. I’ve got an M & S roast beef microwave dinner for tonight, a stack of magazines to get through and three units of blood on the way to me. A pretty good start to my last week of treatment.
21st October 2007
I managed to get home yesterday afternoon for some quality family time, a quick visit to The B.G.I, a Chinese takeaway at Mum’s, X Factor, the rugby World Cup final and Sunday dinner at Gran’s. Now it’s time for me to get ready for my final week of treatment. I thought this week would never arrive and now it’s here I can’t quite believe it.
15th-20th October 2007
I spent the week on the Harborne (adult) ward with three other girls from the YPU. Luckily we were all in the same bay and I was very glad of the company, I’m not too sure how happy the two older women were about the arrangements. On the first night of my stay I felt like a naughty school girl; I was chatting to my new best buddy Nicole when the woman opposite shouted “That’s enough girls, pack it in!” I hid under my duvet and silently laughed my head off. The telling off certainly worked as we didn’t speak after lights out ever again. By the end of the week relations had been smoothed over, we were all on first name terms, sharing magazines and getting on like a house on fire…well almost.
There have been more lows than highs this week, Tuesday was the worst day I have spent in hospital so far. I had my first ever bad reaction to a chemotherapy drug. Within minutes of starting my bag of methotrexate I knew that something wasn’t right, I suddenly felt very peculiar. I had excruciating pain in my stomach and felt dizzy and hot. I asked for the chemo to be stopped and immediately felt better. Eventually the chemo was re-started at a slower rate and this time there were no problems.
A short time later that day we received the awful news that a friend on the YPU had passed away.
Each day I hate this vile, hideous disease more and more.
14th October 2007
I woke up with a banging headache that for once I can’t blame on chemotherapy. The best remedy that I could come up with was to spend the day in bed and then have a long hot bath! Mum delivered chicken casserole ‘A la Millington meals on wheels’ and then it was time for an early night in preparation for my penultimate week in hospital. Not that I’m counting or anything!
13th October 2007
After spending the day in bed, I had my first girls’ night out of the year this evening! A group of us went to the Mailbox to celebrate Holly’s birthday. A three course meal, a bottle of beer and a few vodkas later, I rolled into bed a little worse for wear….
12th October 2007
I slept until lunch time and have felt thoroughly exhausted all day. Once I had woken up, Sarah took me to have my line flushed at the YPU. Some of the staff didn’t recognise me at first which I took to be a good thing, as it hopefully means that I’m looking better than I did the last time they saw me in hospital! Once my one and only job for the day had been completed, it was time for food and that meant it was time to visit…..The Barnt Green Inn!
Three hours later we headed home, crashed on the sofa, flicked through magazines, watched Friends and enjoyed a proper girly night in!
11th October 2007
I had my first taste of reiki this morning; I had no idea what to expect and went with an open mind. I found the experience extremely relaxing and will definitely go again. Joe and I made our second trip of the week into town and agreed that it is fairly embarrassing that the staff in Gap now recognise us. Our first stop of the day was the Krispy Kreme counter in Selfridges where we were both given two fresh hot doughnuts each…..gorgeous! In the O’Neil shop a lovely assistant pushed me around the ladies department whilst Joe went upstairs to the Men’s clothes. For lunch we went to Eat and an assistant there brought out a special table, just the right size for me to sit at in my wheelchair. I’ve never met such a helpful group of people in one day, it made a really nice change. I bought a new hat to wear with Bianca, I didn’t want Joe to feel left out so treated him too…….
10th October 2007
I am weak….once again my good intentions are in tatters. I asked Joe to bring around a wholemeal loaf for me to have marmite on toast for breakfast; he turned up with a wholemeal loaf, bacon and eggs. I decided it would be rude to turn down his offer of a bacon and egg sandwich. So my belly is bulging-who cares? I’ve got two weeks of chemo left so I’m going to indulge myself and worry about my expanding waist line later.
This morning was taken up by housework; cleaning, polishing, hoovering and tidying the cupboard under the kitchen sink. Oh what fun! I felt like I’d run a marathon and collapsed on the sofa once I’d had enough. I think I over did it as I spent the afternoon asleep.
This evening Dad, Joe, Gaz and I went out to a Thai restaurant. Although we had a gorgeous meal, I stupidly mistook a green chilli for a French green bean, it was only when my mouth was on fire, my face bright red and my eyes streaming that I realised what I’d done-doh! I really am a dumb blonde after all….
9th October 2007
This morning I had an appointment with a doctor at Freshwinds. Freshwinds is a charity that offers care and support to people living with life-threatening and life-limiting illnesses. It provides a range of integrated complementary therapies to adults and children. Therapies are advised under the supervision and expertise of the Medical Team; taking into account the individual’s health condition and medical treatments. Today I had my initial assessment, I hadn’t been prepared to answer lots of questions about my illness and at first I felt quite uncomfortable. However, as the session progressed I felt more at ease and was able to open up; it was actually really nice to have someone’s full attention and know that they were there just to listen to me. In actual fact I found it easier talking to a stranger about emotional issues than I thought I would and I found the whole session extremely beneficial. My treatment plan will include reiki and hypnotherapy; I’ve never had any complementary therapies before so I’m quite excited and intrigued to see what they will entail.
After my appointment, Gran took Joe and I out for lunch. Although I had intended to be healthy and order a salad and refuse a pudding; I couldn’t resist the fillet steak and chocolate fondue dessert.
After lunch Joe dropped me home; I rolled out of his car, stumbled up the stairs and into my beloved pink tracksuit and pink woolly hair knitted for me by my amazing 86 year old friend Lilian. Watch out London, Paris, Milan, New York….Birmingham is the new fashion capital!
8th October 2007
This morning I woke up in the mood for some shopping, so Joe (also known as my chauffeur, personal chef, cleaner, P.A. and general gofer) drove me to the Bullring and pushed me around in a wheelchair (care of Shopmobility) following my directions around the shops; he really must have the patience of a Saint. Once we had been around the Bullring half a dozen times, we went to Pizza Express where over lunch Joe told me that one of his mates had suggested that on my last day of chemo he should issue me with an invoice for all of the hours that he’s looked after me…..funnily enough Joe thought that it was a good idea.
This evening the scab came off my pressure sore (again!), over the last couple of days its become painful and I’m concerned that it's not healing as it should be. The whole pressure sore saga has put me in a bad mood; I’m sick of the sight of the bloody thing, fed up of wearing a dressing on my left foot, bored of having to constantly keep it dry and wish it would just go away.
6th-7th October 2007
A very lazy weekend that has revolved around sleeping, lying comatose on Mum's sofa, flicking between X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing and stuffing my face with sticky toffee pudding. (I even had a bottle of beer!) I've lived in my velour trackie and loved every minute of it. Fantastic.
5th October 2007
What a gorgeous day; for once it was so nice to be able to enjoy the sunshine and not be stuck in hospital! Once I had ploughed my way through two stacks of Joe’s gorgeous pancakes, Adam and Sherri took Bianca and me on an outing to Barnt Green where we sat outside and enjoyed the weather. Despite the fact that I had just eaten I still managed a small (well smallish!!) snack. My belly has become a bottomless pit…..
This afternoon I popped into the YPU to have my line flushed. As I walked into the ward one of the nurses looked at me and said “I didn’t recognise you for a second looking all blonde”, “This is Bianca!” I said, stroking my hair. I have to admit that I’m enjoying wearing my new wig, it’s a bit of a novelty having hair again and I’ve become one of those annoying people who twiddles it around their fingers! Just call me Bianca the Bimbo!
4th October 2007
I gave two people a shock this morning when I opened the front door wearing my bright pink dressing gown and revealing my furry bald head; first of all a delivery man and then the postman had the pleasure of seeing me looking my absolute worst. Poor men. At the moment my head has a light covering of short baby soft brown fluffy hair: I look like Orville the Duck, it’s a good look!
For the first time this year I whipped out the vacuum and had a quick blast of the downstairs, I also tidied the kitchen and arranged some flowers; I was a proper little housewife! I’m loving pottering around the house, enjoying doing things I haven’t done for months, even the most tedious of jobs feels rewarding at the moment. I might be slow, unfit and out of breath but I’m still managing to do some things for myself.
Bianca made her first appearance at The Barnt Green Inn today, Claire and I went out for lunch….a long late lunch……I got home at six! I realised today that I’m the happiest that I’ve been in a long time, it’s hard to explain exactly how I feel; I’m excited about the future and determined to make the most of every opportunity. Life is for living and that’s exactly what I intend to do.
Thank you to Bex for the nail varnish aptly named ‘Unleashed’ and Janey for the ‘shoe’ money box!
3rd October 2007
Today Joe took me wig shopping. Someone had recommended Selfridges, so with that in mind we set off in search of some hair for Hannah! Once we had found the wig department, a small private booth decorated with wigs and hair pieces, the fun began! I tried on wigs in every colour and length; most of them made me look ridiculous. I kept catching glimpses in the mirror of Joe chuckling away to himself; I didn’t blame him, if roles had been reversed I’d have been wetting myself. I was just about to give up and call it a day, the final straw being a strange creation that had white highlights and resembled a dead guinea pig more than it did a wig, when the assistant appeared with something that appeared half decent. It was a long blonde wig called Bianca; as soon as I put it on Joe said “that’s the one!” Although the fringe needed a trim, Bianca was by far the best and at £69.00 a bit of a bargain, so that was that, deal done! After a successful shop, we had lunch at Wagamamas; still the only restaurant I’ve been in that has a purpose built lift for wheelchairs and prams, so gets a big thumbs up from me for being people friendly!
Back at home, I had just put Bianca on along with a hat I had also bought, when Gaz arrived home. I waited for him at the top of the stairs and will never forget the look on his face when he saw me; his eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face, “I’ve got my Hannah back,” he said and gave me a huge hug. “Do you like it?” I asked, “I love it” he replied. I have to admit that although I love all my headscarves, it feels good to also own a wig that I’m comfortable wearing. I was never that fond of Beverley, (sorry Bev!) but she made me feel self conscious and as a result I’ve only worn her four times; boring Bev just isn’t me so she’s going back in her box and that’s where she’s going to stay! Brazen Bianca is coming out to play!
2nd October 2007
Holly and I went on a date with 'George' at Asda and found a few bargains in the process! I walked around the store using my crutches, it was the most exercise I've had in a long time and by the time we'd finished I was exhausted and my feet were aching. An evening in front of the telly watching the new series of Prison Break was just what I needed to recuperate. All this shopping is hard work.
1st October 2007
I had the pleasure (NOT) of visiting the local Job Centre today as I'm now having to claim Incapacity Benefit; if there's one thing I hate, than that's filling in paperwork! I wasn't in the best of moods when an hour later in Barnt Green Village an old bat took one look at my crutches and said "What have you been up to?" as if I was a naughty child! "What did you say?" I snapped back at her, even though I'd heard her the first time. "What have you been up to?" she said again in the same condescending tone, "I went and got cancer" I answered before turning away. Joe was stunned at the woman's nerve but it's something I'm getting used to. I should just tell people that it's none of their business instead of telling them the truth, but I like to see their embarrassed expressions when I say the 'C' word; they deserve it for being so rude in the first place! Gaz was in a similarly bad mood tonight when Villa drew 4-4, having been in a 4-1 lead......not a good day in the Millington-Hickman household!
30th September 2007
A very lazy day; I didn't get out of bed until 4pm. For some strange reason, once I was finally up I decided to do some house work and cleaned and tidied our bedroom; I even changed the bed all by myself, something I wouldn't have been able to do a few weeks ago. I was determined to do everything by myself and it felt very satisfying to know that I no longer have to rely upon Gareth to do all the housework; I think he was pretty chuffed about it too! Even though I was out of breath and absolutely knackered by the time I'd finished, I was proud that I'd blitzed the bedroom all on my own! Gaz said that he'd felt awful not helping out, but understands how important it is for me to start slowly building up my strength again. Gaz treated me to a Jamie Oliver pasta dish for dinner; I'm certainly in no rush to return to the kitchen!
Last week I received an email from someone famous. Initially I thought that someone was winding me up, but I'm glad to say that it was 100% genuine! Apparently this person was contacted by someone on my behalf, although I have no idea who! I'd just like to say a big thank you to whoever it was.
29th September 2007
Today has been a lovely day; first of all a gorgeous bouquet of flowers arrived from Lis and then Stu and Ange visited and took Gaz, Mum, Joe and I out for lunch to The Barnt Green Inn…..my third visit of the week! I had the most delicious pudding; chocolate bread and butter pudding, with warm chocolate sauce and chocolate ice cream: Heaven. It’s hardly surprising that after lunch I couldn’t wait to get out of my 'skinny' jeans and into my trackie bottoms; after all that eating I was exhausted. The day ended perfectly with a double dose of X Factor; it doesn’t get much better than that!
Thank you to Stu and Ange for treating us all to lunch and for the champagne and chocolates. The bottle of bubbly is in the fridge, I’ll be cracking it open in four weeks time!
28th September 2007
I am officially a pancake pig! Joe made me a stack of thirteen pancakes for lunch and they lasted all of five minutes. I had just finished my last pancake when Joe appeared with a bacon and egg sandwich that he’d made for himself; “That looks and smells gorgeous” I said, salivating at the mouth. Joe rolled his eyes and said “Do you want me to make you one?” It took all of two seconds for me to answer “I can’t believe I’m saying this after all those pancakes, but I’d love one please!” So after thirteen pancakes I then wolfed down a bacon and egg sandwich; I don’t know where my appetite has come from, I just seem to be hungry all of the time!
I had my last ever bag of doxarubacin this afternoon; I vividly remember the first time that I had doxarubicin, it was the first chemotherapy session I ever had, it feels like a lifetime ago, it’s hard to believe that it was in March so much has happened since then. Joe stayed with me whilst I had my half an hour bag of chemo and then took me home where I ordered a Chinese takeaway. My life really does seem to revolve around chemo and food at the moment! I think I know which I prefer!
Gaz and I had our first taste of internet food shopping this evening; Tesco delivered our weekly shop to our front door! I was really impressed but Gaz wasn’t too happy when he discovered that his 2kg box of Quaker Oats had been replaced by 10 individually wrapped 30g portions…..in his words “not enough to feed a hamster!” Lo and behold anyone who gets in the way of him and his porridge!
Week 1 of Cycle 6 is now complete, I’ve got two weeks at home to recuperate, eat, sleep and shop!
27th September 2007
I received an early morning phone call from the bed manager to tell me that there was room for me on the YPU: fantastic news! I had my first bag of doxarubacin this afternoon, the second will follow tomorrow afternoon. I'm back at home, my wee is bright orange from the chemo, I'm tired and ready for an early night!
26th September 2007
Still no news as to when I’ll be having my chemotherapy, I found myself getting upset about it this morning as I’m worried that I’m going to be delayed another week which will set my finish date back further. I made numerous calls to the hospital but no one could tell me what is going on; it’s frustrating as the chemo that I’m due to have this week only takes half an hour so I don’t even have to stay the night. I’ve been told to phone again tomorrow morning; I’m annoyed at myself for getting stressed because it isn’t healthy and it’s a waste of what little energy I have.
Lunch with my friend Vicky at The Barnt Green Inn cheered me up and I soon forgot my worries. We had just finished the main course when a lady who I have never seen before in my life came over to our table, interrupted our conversation and said “I noticed you limping, have you sprained your ankle?” I was absolutely stunned and extremely embarrassed; all I could manage to mutter was the word “No”, hoping that she would leave us alone. No such luck. “Oh, have you broken something?” she continued. I was still in shock at her audacity to waltz over to a perfect strangers table and attempt to drum up conversation about something that was none of her business. “I’ve had bone cancer” I said, somehow managing to refrain myself from adding the words YOU NOSEY COW!!! You’d have thought the headscarf, crutches and Groshung line spurting out from my chest may have been an indication that I hadn’t just sprained my ankle! Before she finally left us alone she told me that she hoped I would be on the mend soon, I thanked her and then looked at Vicky who mouthed “Do you know her?” once she was out of ear shot I said “I’ve never seen her before in my life!” And I thought that I was strange!!!
Vicky brought me something that I have dreamt about for a long time……not a car, not a new house, not a holiday but a Chloe handbag! Obviously it isn’t a ‘real’ Chloe but you’d never know; anyway apart from the fact that I would never pay hundreds of pounds for a handbag, I’d never be able to afford to for one and Gareth would more than likely disown me!! I’m more than happy with my ‘Chloe’ from ‘Jeff at Harvey Nicks’ (yes, that really is the name of a shop) from Olu Deniz in Turkey! I spent the evening playing with my new bag, practicing using the padlock to open it, it’s sad to say but I was in my element. Gaz spent the evening shaking his head at me in despair, “You’ve got too many bags as it is!” he said in disgust. My reply was short but sweet “It's impossible to have too many handbags Gareth”.
Thank you to Jean for the gorgeous fruit cake and chocolates, Gareth says that it is the best fruit cake he has ever eaten, apparently he is a fruit cake expert!
25th September 2007
The YPU is still full so I was unable to have my chemo today, I was a lazy sod and spent the day in bed watching films. I can’t believe how much I’m enjoying being at home. Joe offered to make me more pancakes but I gave them a miss and opted for bacon sandwiches instead. Not a very productive day, but it was just what I needed!
24th September 2007
Today was meant to be the first day of Cycle 6, however, the YPU was full and there were no beds available so I couldn’t have my chemo. Instead I tidied the store cupboard and cleaned the kitchen, I’m one of those strange people who finds house work therapeutic! I had a real craving for pancakes at lunchtime so Joe turned up with eggs and milk and made me the most gorgeous stack of pancakes I’ve ever seen. I was a real pig and having quickly demolished the first stack, I asked for a second…….I spent the afternoon recovering on the sofa!
Happy Birthday to Emily and Tory!
17th-23rd September 2007
After six nights in hospital, Cycle 5 is now complete and I’m back at home with only one more cycle to go! I spent the first five nights on the Harborne Ward (adult ward); I enjoyed having my own room for the first night but was moved onto the main ward the following morning. The pros to being on the ward were that my bed was next to a large window so I had a view and that I was in a quiet bay with five other women so enjoyed some peace! The cons were that visiting hours were restricted, you have to pay to watch the television and the days start a lot earlier than they do on the YPU; each morning I was woken at 7am and asked if I wanted a cup of tea……all I wanted was to sleep! Once again I’ve been exhausted all week, I have less energy now than I had during previous cycles, as the methotrexate has accumulated in my body I have grown more and more tired. I’ve had lots of visitors this week who have stocked me up with drinks, food and magazines and as I’m usually on the YPU where visiting times are open, the nurses have been more lenient with me. This week I’ve craved tuna melt paninis and hot chocolate from Coffee Republic; each day I waited in anticipation and counted down the hours until Joe would arrive with the goods! I happened to be stuffing my face with a mars ice cream bar one morning when a nurse popped her head into my room and said “I was going to ask if you wanted any anti-sickness pills but I’m guessing the answer’s no!”
I had my first session in the hospital gym with a physiotherapist on Thursday and I was really chuffed that I managed five minutes on the cycling machine! I haven’t cycled since last year and it felt very strange to begin with but it was so good to be doing some proper exercise; I think I smiled through the whole session! I’ve still got a lot of work to do, the muscles in my right leg are very weak but for a first session in the gym it didn’t go too badly. I was meant to have a second session the following day but I overslept and the physio was too polite to wake me up!
Friday night was probably the worst night I’ve spent in hospital so far; I had no sleep whatsoever! I tossed and turned all night, just when I was drifting off I’d need the toilet so would have to get up and drag my drip stand to the bathroom. I was nearly asleep when the lady next to me turned on her bedside lamp and started to read; the light was extremely bright and shone right in my direction. I rolled over, looked at the clock and saw that it was 5.30am……5.30am!!! Let’s just say that she was far from happy when she was politely asked to turn it off and we didn’t speak again! An hour later I was woken up and asked if I wanted a hot drink!! Half an hour after that I was woken up to have my blood taken and a short time later I was woken up and asked if I wanted breakfast! At that point I gave up and decided that I was just not going to get any sleep. I think I might make a sign to hang up on the curtain around my bed that says “NO TEA, NO COFFEE, NO BREAKFAST, PLEASE JUST LET ME SLEEP!” At 9.00am I received the best news I could have hoped for, obviously apart from being told I could go home; there was a side room ready and waiting for me on the YPU! I was out of the Harborne Ward quicker than lightening and as soon as I entered the YPU I felt better; the lights were off, the curtains still drawn, everyone was still asleep and the ward was in complete silence……it was bliss. I lay down on my bed and fell right to sleep!
I was so exhausted that when I was told later that morning that my blood hadn’t been sent off for testing I didn’t have the energy to be angry. Someone had forgotten to send my blood with the other samples and it had been left in a tray on the ward. Although I was disappointed, there was nothing anyone could do about it so I just resigned myself to the fact that I’d be in hospital for another night and at least I was back on the YPU!
I was finally free to go on Sunday afternoon; as soon as I received the results I was on the phone first to Gaz telling him to get ready as I was taking him out for lunch and then to Mum asking her to come and help me shower and then drop me home! Poor Mum had not long arrived in hospital when she left my room to go to the visitors bathroom, moments later she ended up flat on her back having slipped on the wet freshly mopped floor, luckily she wasn't hurt. Minutes later it was my turn to have an accident; I was sitting on the toilet when all of a sudden the toilet roll dispenser fell down and crashed onto my head, the plastic cracked and I was left with a banging headache. At that point Mum and I decided we needed to make a hasty exit before anything else happened! Once at home, I whipped out my make-up bag, painted on my eyebrows and the rest of my face and dragged Gaz off to The Barnt Green Inn! After a gorgeous meal it was back home for an evening on the sofa!
I can’t believe that there are only four more weeks to go……..
There are some new pictures in the gallery!
A HUGE well done to Pete Parsons and Matt Downs who ran the Nottingham Marathon last Sunday for Bone Cancer Research Trust. Thank you to them both for asking me which charity I'd like them to run for. Please visit www.bonecancerresearch.org.uk
20th September 2007
Han has been moved out of her private room and on to the main ward. All being well, people should be leaving the YPU either today or tomorrow and Han will be moved over.
18th September 2007
Han is on the adult ward but in a private room and has started her chemo today. Its going to be another nervous wait to see if she will be out for the weekend.
She has realised that its not too bad on the adult ward so if she is stuck there then its not such a bad thing.
All being well she will be moved on to the YPU by Wed/Thur.
17th September 2007
I'm back in hospital for more methotrexate! Hopefully I'll be home for the weekend.
16th September 2007
Last nights barbeque went on into the early hours and it was 4am when I finally hit the sack! I had my first beer in ages and it was the best bottle of Corona I’ve ever had! Despite not getting to bed until the early hours I still managed to get up in time for five hours of retail therapy! As soon as I was in the Bullring I became a woman possessed, there was one thing on my mind and one thing only……SHOES! But for one very good reason; my right foot swells as soon as I put any type of shoe on and now its getting colder the sandals that I’ve been wearing are no longer suitable. Mum and I decided that short style ugg boots would be the best bet as they’re easy to put on, warm and have rubber soles, so we went in search of some……three pairs later it was mission accomplished and we headed home (well, I had to have a pair in every colour, didn’t I?…) I have to admit that I was pretty gutted that I couldn’t buy any of the gorgeous, stylish, sexy boots that are around at the moment but unfortunately comfort and practicality are now my footwear requirements. I also bought a pair of ugg boot style slippers which were on my feet as soon as I got into the car and have remained on them all evening! I think it’s about time I re-acquainted myself with my velour tracksuits so I can really chav it up!
9th-15th September 2007
I’ve just returned home after six nights in hospital; first stop was Mum’s for a fry-up and then it was home in time for an afternoon nap, before we headed over to friends for a barbeque. I’ve slept the week away and the days have just merged into one another. I’ve been absolutely exhausted and haven’t had the energy to do anything at all including speak, I’ve drifted in and out of deep sleep waking only to go to the toilet! I spent two nights in a side room on the adult ward, two nights on the main ward and two nights back on the YPU. Although I had been dreading being moved to the adult ward, it really wasn’t as bad as I had imagined; even though some of the patients weren’t the friendliest, the nurses certainly made up for them and were fantastic. I had a funny turn one night on the adult ward and scared the living daylights out of a nurse when I started speaking in my sleep to her. Apparently I tried to open up the box on the drip stand and was convinced that it was my locker. Luckily I don’t remember the incident but I was really embarrassed when I was told about it! It was definitely nice to return to the YPU and felt as though I was returning home. There was an invasion of female patients this week and I was one of six girls on the ward. My methotrexate levels came down a lot quicker than the last cycle so I’m hoping it will continue next week. Apart from being thoroughly knackered, having a constantly dripping nose, watery eyes and a swollen right foot I’m feeling well; I’m sure the fact that I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel has something to do with it. I’ve been told by my oncologist that I will definitely have one weeks break in cycle 6 which means I should finish treatment in five weeks time. I remember back in March when I first began having chemotherapy thinking that the months would drag by and that it would be the longest year of my life; I’m glad to say that that hasn’t been the case and time has actually flown by. When I look back I can’t believe how much has happened this year and how much I’ve been through; it chokes me up just thinking about it.
Even though I’m only home for two nights, it’s enough time to re-charge my batteries and enjoy a break from noisy drip machines, cardboard bedpans and microwave meals!
15th September 2007
Unfortunately Hannah had to stay in on Friday night due to her blood levels not being acceptable. Fortunately she has been given the good news today that she is allowed out now!!!!!
I am just about to go and pick her up and bring her home. I'm sure she'll update her diary as soon as she can.
Gareth
12th September 2007
Hannah should be back on the YPU by this evening, just in time for the football.
Her blood levels have dropped again today so its looking good for a Friday finish! Watch this space.
Apart from a slight mishap when Hannah scared the life out of the nurses with her sleep talking in the early hours of the morning.....everything is going ok!!!!
I'm sure Hannah will tell you all about it when she comes out.
10th September 2007
Han arrived in hospital last night and although originally on the YPU, was moved to the adult ward. Fortunately she has got a side room at the end of the ward and the nurses have said that she can have open visiting hours like the YPU.
The bed sore is getting better and she has started the chemo. Check back Friday to see if she gets bail!
Gareth
7th September 2007
A district nurse re-dressed my heel this morning, it still hasn’t healed and is not a pretty sight but at least it’s no longer painful. The nurse also flushed my groshung line which is still working nicely and said that I’m a good bleeder! I’m back on bacon and tomato butties but have realised if there was ever a time to indulge in food it has to be now.
This afternoon I emerged from my house for the first time all week and it felt wonderful to step out into the warm sunshine. Joe and I went to the YPU to say goodbye to one of my favourite nurses who is leaving to go travelling. Josie happened to be on the ward and I tried on one of her wigs, it was strange to see myself with hair, as I haven’t put on my own wig in ages, but I have to say that I really liked it and am considering buying one exactly the same. Even though I’ve nearly finished treatment it’s going to be a while before I have locks the length of that wig and I think it’d be nice to have different options.
This evening Gaz, Gran, Dad and I went out for a meal (yes more food!) to The Lyttleton Arms; it has a similar menu to The Barnt Green Inn so I felt pretty much at home. From where I was sat I could see the bar area heaving with people drinking and laughing; it made me realise how much I’m looking forward to having nights out with friends. The last time I went into town on a night out was last December and I spent most of the night sat down rubbing my painful right knee, unaware that I had cancer. Although I won’t be hitting the dance floor in a hurry, it’ll be nice to go out and have a few drinks. There are already a couple of bottles of champagne in our fridge just waiting for me to get my hands on them!
6th September 2007
Another lazy day at home; I haven’t been out of the house all week and it’s been lovely. I feel rested and relaxed; I love living in pyjamas and thanks to all the pairs I’ve received as presents this year I’ve got a LARGE selection to choose from. I’ve even divided my pyjamas into categories; home, hospital, winter, summer, new/best, pink, shorts, long bottoms. Gaz thinks I’ve got OCD, I think I’ve just got too much time on my hands!
We were going to go out for a meal this evening but the thought of having to get dressed and put make-up on was so unappealing that a Chinese takeaway was by far a more attractive option!
5th September 2007
Something very exciting happened today……the scab that has been attached to my left heel for what feels like an eternity finally fell off!!! A district nurse came round this morning to change the dressing and as she peeled back the pad covering my heel, the scab came off; I couldn’t believe my eyes. Unfortunately I didn’t get the chance to have a good look at it, I had been hoping to inspect the thing before throwing it away, but I never got the chance; the nurse wrapped it in the old dressing and whipped it away before I had chance to protest. I decided that it probably wasn’t the best move to ask the nurse to recover it out of the rubbish just so that I could examine it. I kept my disappointment to myself; even though it was vile, I had been looking forward to having a poke at it before throwing it away! It was a bit like squeezing a spot, even though it’s disgusting, there’s something satisfying about hearing the pop and seeing the puss ooze out.
Although it felt good to have the scab off, the skin underneath hasn’t healed, so it had to be re-dressed again. The good news is that it doesn’t look infected; the bad news is that I’ve still go